During a recent conversation with a close friend I found myself listening as she beat herself up over a life choice and the amount of time it took for her to make corrections to head in a new direction. It saddened me to hear that she was continuing to be so hard on herself about something that had happened years ago. It hurt me to know that this wonderful, caring person was treating herself in a less than kind manner. I waited for her to finish, and then I said, “You need to forgive yourself. You need to be as gentle with yourself as you are with everyone else. You have to be kind to yourself in the same way that you are kind to those around you.”
We often make a conscious effort to practice kindness toward others, be it through random or intentional acts. We should take care to turn that same kindness inward. We must remember to exercise on ourselves the tenderness and compassion that we show to others.
Forgive yourself. You have made mistakes. Perhaps you have even done things knowing they were not right. Acknowledge your actions, and then forgive yourself. As you make the decision to pardon others for their transgressions, so should you exonerate yourself for your own. This does not mean you forget the lessons that you learn or give yourself leave to repeat bad behavior, but it does allow you to move forward in a positive direction.
Console yourself. You are there to comfort a friend when he is feeling low. You provide solace to a family member during difficult times. You may even offer kind words to someone you do not know who is showing signs of distress. You deserve the same alleviation of your own anguish or discomfort. You might well find it at the hands of another, but you can also find it internally. Let your inner voice speak words of comfort when you need to hear them.
Encourage yourself. You offer words of motivation to the person struggling next to you at the gym. You rally behind a co-worker who is struggling to complete a project. You stand on the sidelines of a race or a sporting event cheering on complete strangers. Give yourself the same uplifting support. Stop knocking yourself down or berating your “failures”. Instead, be your own cheerleader.
Love yourself. Be nice to you. Do it because you are worth loving. Love yourself, and you will be free to share more love with the world. Show yourself the affection and warmth that you give to those you hold dear.
Remind yourself that you deserve the gentleness that you bestow on others. When you practice self-kindness you set in motion a force within you that radiates graciousness and goodness outward. That alone is reason enough to turn kindness inward.
Photo credits: www.pixabay.com
Forgiving self is the hardest!
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Agreed, and possibly the most important!
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Great post Karen. It is something that seems so hard to do sometimes, although it makes sense! 🙂
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Yes, it is hard. It hit home when I noticed someone else not practicing self-kindness that I also neglect myself at times. I’m sure we all do! 🙂
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I have forgave myself for what I did last year, if only life would let me heal and certain others would just let me be. I so connected with this post Karen.
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Gary, I feel for you in the face of what may be years ahead dealing with people who have no intention of showing any kindness. (I witnessed some of that when I read your post from last night- yikes!) Focus on you and your daughter, my friend. Forgiving yourself is one tough step sometimes!
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I would probably be horrified to find myself viewing others the way I see myself. Even though I have a perfect identity in the One I follow, I often forget who I really am. Thanks for the reminder!
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I don’t think you are alone in that feeling. I think if we pay attention most of us will find that we do not do unto ourselves as we would have others do unto us.
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So easy to pass along kind words to the people we love the most. Why is it so hard, to be one of those people in our own life? Thanks for the reminder! 🙂
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Good question! It really hit home for me when I heard my friend, this beautiful soul, being so unkind to herself. It made me realize we all do the same to ourselves.
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What a good post, Karen. We are hardest on ourselves, I know, but you’re right….we also have to take the best care of ourselves….no one else knows exactly what we need!
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Great point! We need to remind ourselves that we are deserving of our own love & care just as much as others are!
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Beautifully written and so true. We are our own worst judge. If we could just treat ourselves with the same kindness we show others, we could be happier, freer, and better able to turn the kindness outward. Thanks for this reminder!
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Yes, yes, and yes! We should all work on this one! Thanks for the kind words! 🙂
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Wonderful post!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Excellent post, Karen. This is a hard thing to do but sometimes the wrong just has to be left on its own. We must forgive and live.
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I agree, we need to allow ourselves the same closure that we allow others. Tough to do, but necessary.
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This is so true. It is a difficult thing to achieve – self forgiveness. I’m not sure, but I feel it begins to come when we are open to it.
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I believe you are right. It can be a long road to get there, but for real growth it’s a road that needs to be traveled. Thank you for reading and sharing your insight!
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Lovely post, what a great reminder.
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Thank you! 🙂
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It’s funny how God times things, sometimes. My mother gave me this exact same talk yesterday after reading that day’s blog post. I struggle so much with forgiving myself for things I’ve done, and it’s really hard for me to be kind to myself. This blog post does give me hope that I can find a way to be kind to myself; it just might take awhile!
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I have found more than once that just the message I need to hear at a given time has popped up in my Reader. I am glad this one spoke to you, and I do wish you to be as gentle with yourself as you would be with another. In time, I have found my own self-forgiveness for past wrongs, and I believe you will as well. Best, Karen
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What a great post & wonderful insight Karen. So often we only allow to see the things in ourselves that we dislike the most, forgetting those parts of ourselves that are the best parts.
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That is true, and I wonder why it is so? We are willing to overlook so much in others, yet we judge ourselves harshly. That needs to change! 🙂
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Wise words, Karen! We are hardest on ourselves…I know I fit into that category. It does get better as we get older and wiser. thanks for the reminder! Have a great 4th of July weekend!
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Thanks, Terri! Have a wonderful holiday weekend!
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Brilliance
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Yes yes! I couldn’t agree more! Turning kindness inward… Your words make the most powerful statement! Your blog is such an inspirational font and you are its amazing source:)!!!
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Oooh, you just turned kindness outward- thank you!! Hope you are enjoying a fantastic holiday weekend!!
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Thank you! Yes, it was a lovely weekend…Hope yours as well! 🙂
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Happy Fourth of July!!
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Karen, this is an incredible post. I am definitely one who beats himself up for mistakes made. I needed to read this. THANK YOU!
~Carl~
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Thank you, Carl! I am always glad to hear that my message reaches someone. It’s a message I’ve needed to remind myself of many, many times! Best, Karen
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Easier said than done, but a wonderful reminder! Your friend was fortunate to have you around to help her through it. 🙂
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Hopefully someone will be around when I, inevitably, need the same reminder! 🙂
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Reblogged this on Darie's Daily Dish and commented:
Valuable words to live by👍🏻
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Thank you so much for the reblog! This is an act of kindness that brought a happy ending to my Monday! Best, Karen 🙂
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You’re welcome Karen!
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This is exactly what I teach my student Lightworker’s, Forgiveness is one of the most difficult modalities to master and is definitely one of the most important. The negative energy that accompanies holding a grudge or hateful thoughts weighs so heavily on your daily life. Forgiveness is the only remedy to release that low, dense, vibration and it allows positive energy to fill the empty void. I humbly invite you to check out my blog; http://www.iamperfectlychangedandawesome.com Peace, Light and Love to all!
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Thank you for visiting, reading, and leaving this wonderful comment! I will most certainly come by to visit your blog! Best, Karen 🙂
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It’s hard to forgive yourself – especially when you wake up in the middle of the night, and think of something that you did a long time ago. Something that you will never, ever forget. Something for which you would give anything to have it erased from the past altogether.
My antidote – Love the world. It helps dull the pain inside.
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Oh yes, some wrongs are much harder to “right” and stay with us forever. Your antidote- I just love it! I am working on it, too! Thank you so much for sharing this. 🙂
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Very well said. This is something that is very hard to do sometimes. I like the part about remembering the lessons but letting go of the guilt.
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Thank you, Nancy. I don’t think we can truly absorb the lesson until we allow the release from the guilt. 🙂
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Wow. This one is simple but so universal. I didn’t find my kind voice until a really tough recent time in my life. And I’m so glad I found it. It has made all the difference, truly.
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It took me far too long to find mine, too, but thankfully find it we did!
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Hi Karen! It’s been a minute. Had to let you know this was on time! Thank you…e
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I am happy to hear it, thank you! 🙂
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