Trust Me

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A few years back we had a plumber come to our home to give us an estimate for work that needed to be done.  He spent a good twenty minutes or so inspecting the area and answering our questions before giving us a price.  After he left my husband asked me what I thought, and I responded that we would not be using him because I did not trust him.  When he asked why I felt that way I told him it was because the man had started at least a dozen sentences with, “To be honest with you…” or some variation thereof.

Now, I am not disparaging the plumbing profession (we subsequently had the work completed by a top-notch company that found ways to save us a substantial amount). Nor am I saying that you cannot trust anyone who ever uses a phrase such as “to be honest with you”, “if I’m being honest”, or “trust me”.  If you feel compelled to repeat those expressions multiple times within the same conversation, though, then I am going to suspect that you are trying to sell me a bill of goods that I have no interest in buying.

Being able to trust people is a huge must for me.  It plays a significant part in who I allow into my home and into my life.  It is critical in my choice of healthcare professionals, too.  Once I find a doctor or other caregiver that I establish this trust factor with I will be forever loyal to them (until they do something rude like retire, causing me untold anxiety while searching for a replacement).

A great example is the confidence I have gained in my eye doctor.  While I wear contact lenses, I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone other than me touching my eyes. This has made for more than one tense eye exam. I switched doctors multiple times before visiting an eye clinic based upon a recommendation.  This doctor listened to my concerns and made numerous notes in my folder.  He promised me on that first visit that he would never try to flip my eyelids to examine underneath them (just typing those words sends me into a cold sweat).  He took the time that day, and has taken the time every visit since, to let me know when he was approaching my eyes and what he would be doing.

You see, my eye doctor never had to utter the words, “You can trust me.”  Rather, he showed me, and continues to show me some twenty years later, through his actions and by keeping his word.  By proving himself reliable he earned a patient for life (or until he does something rude like retires).  These days we just both hope that I never get anything stuck in my eye as he has concluded there are not enough sedatives on the planet to deal with that situation.

Trustworthiness is the first trait I search for in people.  Once I establish that a person will not betray me I become a fiercely loyal friend (or spouse, family member, or coworker).  It is of the utmost importance to me that I know without a doubt that if I divulge a confidence to another it will be closely guarded.  It is equally crucial that others feel secure in knowing that what they tell me will go no further.  Being able to trust another also means feeling assured that he or she will not knowingly, purposefully, or maliciously do anything to harm you either emotionally or physically.

Finding out that someone is not trustworthy can be a relationship killer.  Learning of a betrayal perpetrated by someone in your inner circle is devastating and damaging.  It is possible that the harm caused by loss of trust can be repaired, but it is a slow and painful process.  It requires that the party who breached the trust be willing to put in extended work before the injured party is able to begin to consider allowing the relationship to continue and the trust to be rebuilt.

Be a trustworthy person.  Keep secrets and promises.  Earn trust through your deeds and your loyalty.  Show the world that you are a reliable person of integrity.  It will be worth it.  Trust me.

How important is trust to you?  Have you ever been able to reestablish trust once it has been broken?  As always I welcome your feedback and comments.  Please feel free to share your thoughts!  Cheers! Karen

Photo credits:  www.pixabay.com

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41 thoughts on “Trust Me

  1. I think trust is critical to any relationship and once it’s broken, at least for me, it’s a very long road back, if ever. But every individual and situation is different and not every broken trust is of the same level of concern though it does expose that person for who they are. I may forgive but I rarely forget, which is why the road back to trust almost never happens for me.

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  2. Honour and Integrity has always been paramount to me .. took me way to long though not to give to many chances but to also Honour myself and my boundaries .. after I finally walked away .. I was told that it was easier for me at 6 to keep a promise, (one that I had made to my pappa at his deathbed ) .. than it was for my 18 year older sibling at 60 to keep one … for 40 something years I tried to explain the importance of truth and honesty to those I grew up amongst .. but all along they only put down and refused my talk of Angels and Guardians … but I guess my talk of that and mr Death after my near death experiences freaked them out … It shaped my life.. made it easy to take responsibility even for my own thoughts .. a lie is never worth it … whoever small .. & LOVE is nothing without TRUTH …

    Beautiful truth your post ❤ Thank you for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s sad, but sometimes we have to have a walkaway point when others aren’t willing to live by the same tenets of trust and honesty. I am glad you are on your path and staying true to your principles. Thank you for contributing your story!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was just somewhere last weekend when there were lots of vendors selling things. One of them said something along the lines of, “I am a very sincere person,” and instantly I trusted him less than everyone else. I try to follow my instincts, but I can also be very gullible. I don’t like being unsure of a peson’s intentions.

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    • Hmm, I thought it was pretty common for contact lens wearers? I have allergies and get bumps under my lids so maybe that’s why they try to get at them. It reminds me of kids on the bus who would do their own to gross people out!! Really it’s anything common toward my eyes, though- the little blue light, a finger, etc.

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  4. Trust has to be earned. it is not an automatic right, and I so agree that sometimes our inner warning sense tells us to be on our guard. Hubby has learned over the years that I am usually correct in my first impression of someone. There are times when it’s something I can’t quite put my finger on, but I’m wary of them for some reason.

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  5. This is great stuff! I tend to be too trusting by nature and I have to become more cynical sometimes. But you are so right about someone droning on with “trust me…”. Years ago I was at a muffler place and heard the mechanic on the phone who kept repeating, “I don’t lie…” smarmy and DEFINITELY untrustworthy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s like a “tell” in poker to me. You are letting us know up front that you are not being honest. I have a close friend who is trusting to the point of being naive. It bothers me at times because I see her get hurt, but a part of me envies her lack of cynicism.

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  6. It is very important to me too! But like you, I’d rather you prove me and show me I can trust you than merely say the words. Saying words is easy; doing what we say and meaning it all is another task alltogether.

    by the way, I’ve tagged you for The Blogger Interview tag. If you’re interested in answering and telling us a bit more of why you’re blogging, logistics are here:
    https://lespetitspasdejuls.wordpress.com/2015/10/04/the-blogger-interview-tag/

    Cheers! and don’t trust everyone!

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  7. This is a really interesting post. It hadn’t occurred to me before but I think you’re right: if the person has to keep asking you to trust them, or stating that they’re being honest, you do kind of have to wonder why it couldn’t be taken as given that they would be honest!
    Also – what the **** is the eyelid flicking thing? I’ve never had that done; I think I would slap anyone that tried!

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  8. Trust is the foundation of our society. If there is no trust, there is no commerce, no business interactions, no friendships, etc. There must some level of trust for these things to exist. It is a key component of one’s character to be trustworthy. Thanks for a great article.

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  9. Pingback: HELP! | Real Life of an MSW

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