Goddess of the Non-Domestic Variety

I admit that when it comes to domesticity I am as far from goddess-like as one can get.  I did skirt through Home Economics class back in junior high school thanks to the skills of the unfortunate souls who were paired with me.  Whatever homemaking knowledge I managed to pick up, though, was left behind as soon as I made my way to high school.  I wish I had retained a tidbit or two as now that I have a home of my own I manage to fail the basics of the Family and Consumer Sciences on a daily basis.

My cooking “talent” runs to things that can be tossed in a crockpot, thrown on the George Foreman grill, or purchased at the local grocery’s deli.  (My oven actually coughed at me indignantly the last time I opened its door and stirred up the dust.)  I would not have a clue how to steam vegetables, and I only learned how to make decent scrambled eggs when I hit my 40s.  As I scroll through Facebook and scan the recipes shared by friends I find myself intrigued by the possibilities.  However, if a recipe calls for sautéing, sweating, or separating anything I move on in search of the “four ingredients or less” meal.

We have hosted exactly zero holiday meals in our married lifetime.  We do not own a tablecloth, candlesticks, or anything that could pass for a centerpiece.  We eloped in part to avoid having to register for anything that included the words fine china or silver.  If you do come for dinner it will be served buffet-style, and you will be offered a seat on the couch in front of a TV tray.  We do have a dining room table, but it currently serves as the drop spot for unfolded laundry, my kickboxing gloves, and my husband’s workout sheets.

The one thing I can promise is that I have yet to send anyone to the hospital with food poisoning.  It turns out it is next to impossible to mess up a crockpot meal.  I have had a few shining culinary moments, though.  Thanks to my mom I can make an incredible homemade mac ’n cheese dish, and come holiday time my almond raspberry thumbprint cookies are in high demand.

I do not pin decorating or crafting ideas.  I love reading the lifestyle bloggers and the DIYers.  I actually get excited thinking that, yes, I can make that double grapevine wreath and felt snowman!  Then I remember that I have trouble operating Scotch tape.  The thought of a hot glue gun in my hands evokes images of emergency hospital visits, snapping me back to reality where I buy craftily crafted things from crafty people.

No, you will not find any homemade window dressings in our house.  There are no stenciled walls or hand-painted flowerpots artfully decorating our space.  Accent pieces?  Please, I get excited if I accidentally match the towels with the shower curtain.  Suffice it to say you do not have to leave your shoes at the door as you enter, and there are no off-limits just-for-show rooms in our home.

Around here we know we’ve hit the trifecta on the days when we have clean dishes, clean laundry, and clean litter.  We have learned to invite people over at strategic intervals throughout the year as it forces us to do a deep clean to avoid total embarrassment.  When I do cook a special meal on a random Saturday in October it leaves my husband wondering what he did right.  If I am struck by some strange, random desire to clean in between scheduled visits I find I can easily cure myself with a nap.

I will not be winning any baking contests anytime soon.  My home will not be featured in a fancy magazine spread.  My friends will never ooh and aah over the supercute Halloween-themed treats I painstakingly formed out of fondant.  (I know what fondant is only because I have a strange fascination with watching the Food Network while cooking nothing.)  I must be doing something right, though, as we are preparing to celebrate eighteen years of marriage in a few months..   may not be much of a homemaker, but I must make for one fine wife!  And hey, it’s people like me who make you domestic goddesses out there look amazing!

photo credit:  www.pixabay.com

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50 thoughts on “Goddess of the Non-Domestic Variety

    • I think I do, too, and that sounds like a smart person! Don’t get me wrong, if that is what makes a person happy I say they go for it. It’s just not my thing, and I have no natural talent for it! I’ll keep on with the getting out there and living! 🙂

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  1. I’m extremely domestic. Even most of the men in my family are extremely domestic. I enjoy cooking and gardening and DIY. If I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t do it. We take about half our meals in the living room, I’ve never had a centerpiece, my ‘china’ is Fiesta, lol, and clean litter is crucial to a happy home!
    I have a Pinterest, but I barely pin anything. I pin projects and paint and actually DO them, but very few. I don’t understand connecting to people on Pins.
    Wifery is as varied as husbandry, I should think.
    Who doesn’t love a thumbprint cookie? YUM!
    Congratulations on just about 18 years! — and also on no food poisoning 😉

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    • Thank you- I am especially proud of the no food poisoning. 😉 I am in love with the idea of being a cook, a gardener, a decorator, etc. It just doesn’t translate into reality. I even took a year off of working and convinced my husband I was going to BE that domestic goddess. (I’m pretty sure he knew better, and I was the only one who was disappointed).

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  2. Sounds great… the crockpot I mean. My best scrambled eggs are done in the microwave. We don’t own a tablecloth, candlesticks, napkins or even a dining table now, but we have just purchased a coffee table (still in the box) and small pressure cooker (also still in the box keeping the coffee table company as they are both still in the car until we have finished our DIY).
    Must hold my hand up to putting Hubby in hospital with my cooking shortly after we were wed……. his digestive system couldn’t cope with real food (used to burgers, chips and beans, not meat and fresh veg). Silver wedding next year, so I must have got something right!

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    • Oh my, that’s a great story! I think the push toward minimalism is relieving some people of the pressure to create the illusion of a “perfect home”. Being limited on space helps, too! And yes, you have obviously gotten something right!

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  3. “If I am struck by some strange, random desire to clean in between scheduled visits I find I can easily cure myself with a nap.” – love it! I too am not a cleaner by nature and we invite friends round to visit to force ourselves to clean.

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  4. I absolutely concur: crockpots can be a life saver when it comes to meals. It’s funny, we opened and used our china from our wedding after 7 years of marriage, hahahaha. When moving 6 times in the last 10 years, packing and unpacking became a hassle. We hosted Thanksgiving many times now, and I have to say, I love doing it buffet style and being responsible for only part of the cooking. 🙂 Sharing responsibilities and trying, (key word) to organize meals etc is a weekly struggle. ❤ Cheers to your anniversary coming up!! ❤

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    • I love it when someone else hosts, and I only have to bring one dish. A buffet or a pot-luck- that’s my speed! Trying to organize meals is a struggle, though if you do it you wind up saving money and eating healthier. I like that you share the responsibilities instead of one spouse being designated with certain roles!

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  5. Karen! First of all, your crockpot meals, mac n cheese and thumbprint cookies sound amazing!
    I smiled the whole way through reading your post…I have so many similar qualities! I am the daughter of a crafter who had glue guns running in every corner and the granddaughter of a master crochet/knitter…Yet I have zero crafty qualities about me and tend to buy decorations instead of creating them my own…I have never hosted a holiday either (partially because I live in a one-bedroom apt) but also because I am more of a dish washer than a holiday host! I do that part in all holiday settings..my dishes are the shiniest!
    Thank you for sharing your feelings with us — I think you are a goddess to me!

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  6. Thank you, my goddess sister! I think part of the reason we stay in our small condo is so we have a built-in excuse not to host. My mother-in-law loves to host family meals, and she gets a kick out of my calling her “Martha Stewart”. Why disrupt the status quo? 😉 I do know, though, that you can cook!!

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  7. Karen, this just cracked me up! Before my hubby came along, who can cook, bake and BBQ easily and with talent, I believe my oven was the cleanest, most pristine kitchen item in the house. Now? Not so much! I can however, get a little crafty one in a while. I’m a whiz with silk flower arrangements 🙂

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  8. I absolutely loved this blog post, Karen! Non-domestic goddesses unite! I do basic maintenance for the house: laundry, dishes, keep things hygienic. I’m really good at heating things up and arranging antipasto on plates. Maybe I have a few decent dishes. I don’t bake. I guess all of my creative energy goes into my literary magazine, my own writing, my jewelry designs, and helping my kids discover the world. Home is where we hang out hats when we’re not traveling and being active. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Oh … and I have the opposite of a green thumb. All plants die under my watch. I like to think I have other unique gifts. Happy Anniversary. Enjoy!

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    • Yes, that is exactly how we look at it- home is where we come to rest in between adventures! You, my dear non-domestic soul sister, were definitely meant to expend your energies in different areas! You do indeed have other unique gifts, and you spend your time sharing them with the world!

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