At the risk of being a buzzkill on this day of hearts and roses, I must admit that I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. For this I have my husband’s eternal gratitude as he can go about his business each February while ignoring the barrage of commercials telling him what an absolute spousal failure he will be if he does not buy me this exact diamond pendant or that specific dangly charm bracelet. No, there are no special dinner reservations or floral deliveries headed my way today, and I am all in favor of that.
Since I’m in a disclosure kind of mood I may as well admit that I do not like romantic comedies or romance novels either. I understand they can serve as escapist guilty pleasures, but I have to say for the most part they leave me feeling unfulfilled. I do not like the way they set men, and women for that matter, up to fall short in real life of the great romantic feats and gestures of the cinema.
By now I’ve probably convinced you that I should head up the local chapter of the new Love Haters Club. I promise you this is not the case. In reality I am in love with love. I just happen to be in love with the kind of love that happens, well, in reality.
I am not immune to the good feels that the occasional romantic gesture can produce. A few months back on our anniversary my husband posted an amazingly sweet and heartfelt tribute to me on his Facebook wall. It was out of character for him, and it left me with mysteriously leaky eyes. So, you see, I do understand and appreciate the value of these things.
It’s more that I appreciate the day-to-day unsung gestures of love. The ones that, for me, overshadow the grand ones meant for the world to see and acknowledge. The ones that happen without thought, without planning, and without the media declaring that they must.
I see signs of love everywhere I look. I find them in the fact that my husband, eighteen years and counting into our marriage, still comes around to open my car door every single time. I feel them when I burn my fingers on a hot cookie sheet due to worn thin pot holders only to be the recipient of new pot holders the next day. Yes, this shouts love to me in a way that no roses ever could.
I love the love that happens when people don’t know, or don’t care, that others are watching. The love in a mother’s instinctive grasp of her child’s hand as they cross a busy parking lot. The love of a boyfriend’s hand placed gently on his girlfriend’s back as they pass through a doorway. The love of a woman’s hand holding her husband’s in a reassuring clasp, he in the hospital bed and she in the chair beside it. Yes, the hand can convey love far more eloquently than a box of chocolates.
So while I may not be a fan of Cupid and his bag of arrows, I am a fan of the results that one of his well-placed shots can produce. I am in love with the love that grows and endures through the day in and day out routine of life. I am in love with the love that shines brightest when it is most needed to guide us out of the darkness. I am in love with the love that does not need to shout itself out, choosing instead to whisper steadily for eternity.
Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day, and if so, how? Do you like romantic gestures? As always, I welcome and appreciate your thoughts and feedback. Cheers! Karen
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You’re not alone. It’s all a rip off in the shops anyway, and real love isn’t shown on just one day a year.
Love is the ‘little things’, like buying new pot holders for you, or Hubby putting the towel on a stand in the bath when I was on crutches last year as it was too far away from the sink otherwise. It’s being given a cup of tea and two painkillers when you’ve got a headache, cold hands on your back when it hurts (works for me, not necessarily for others), and a cuddle completely out of the blue because ‘you felt like it’. Rom-coms and romantic books are pure escapism for me too. I missed the point of Four Weddings and A Funeral, having seen it four times and not laughed once. Needless to say there is no need for me to watch it again. Now if we watch ‘Up’, both of us are a weeping mess when Ellie dies.
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Yes, I think true love is in the things we do for one another out of genuine care, not the ones meant to dazzle and impress friends and family. I have not seen Up yet… I will add it to the must-see list. 🙂
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Have the tissues ready.
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Love this post, very well said!
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Thank you! 🙂
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I agree. Love is a thing that should be felt and shared and celebrated regularly, and a box of chocolates just can’t make up for the rest of the days.
What you describe here is much more thoughtful and consistent than a mad dash to impress.
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Well said! I’d rather a thoughtful offer from the hubby to pick up dinner on a stressful Tuesday in April – now that speaks to me!
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Right on.
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You are so right! Love is conveyed through those small, everyday gestures of caring.
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Yes! I’m so glad you agree. 🙂
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😊
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Love this post.
I am German and live in Germany and we don’t celebrate this day at all in my family. There are ads from flower shops. But I don’t know how many people here actually buy flowers on that day. For us, it is just another one of these American inventions, like Halloween for example which has only recently begun to be celebrated here.
Maybe in ten or twenty more years, the industry will have made Valentine’s day a big day here, too, because it is good for business.
Then, what is next? We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving yet. Maybe that one arrives here in thirty years?
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Nothing would surprise me, Karin, when its done in the name of commercialism…
I feel the way about Valentine’s Day the same way my mom feels about Mother’s Day. She refuses any gifts or celebration on that day. She says I should love and celebrate her every day, and I could not agree more! 🙂
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I agree with your mother. My mother never celebrated Mother’s Day. Her line was “Do you not plan to love me tomorrow?” She appreciated things like the random call and lunch/dinner date, a new set of towels, starting the laundry, or emptying the dishwasher?
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I love flowers and romance, but I agree that real love does not need to be showy and on one day only. It is the cup of tea just at the right moment, running the bath after a hard day at work, cooking a favourite meal. all those little things that mean a lot! 🙂
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I’m not opposed to a little romance now and then, as long as it’s spontaneous and not dictated by a date on a calendar. 🙂
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Exactly! That is how it should be.
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My husband, like yours, is not required to acknowledge all the commercialised rubbish that is Valentine’s Day. We both agree each year not to increase the profits of Hallmark. I usually make us a steak dinner at home – we don’t eat out on the day of the year when restaurants increase all their prices.
I am far more a fan of the little things too. A cup of tea in bed, snuggling on the sofa to watch a movie, holding hands as we walk along the beach. Happens any day of the year, not just Valentine’s Day.
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It sounds like you’ve got the right idea to me! 🙂
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Great post Karen. I didn’t even have my husband home on Valentines Day, not that we go in for the hype anyway. We show love to each other every day, like most people, and don’t need a designated day! I wish you much love and happiness, today and always. xx
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I will accept that wish and send it right back in your direction! Thank you, Miriam, for those lovely thoughts! 🙂
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It’s my pleasure.
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Great last paragraph, Karen. There’s something to be said for that kind of love…:)
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Thanks, George. Something tells me you’ve got that in your relationship… 🙂
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Thankfully we do. We’ve known each other since we were in third grade together and have been married almost 43 years so we’ve found a way…:)
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That is awesome, and it gives me hope!
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My wife and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day – and it was all her idea. She doesn’t like the idea that love should be shown one day a year, and I agree.
Now, February 15, when all the chocolate goes on sale, is another matter entirely. We celebrate that religiously.
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75% off chocolate is an altogether different kind of love! I am in full support of February 15th! 🙂
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Karen, Loved this. Its how you live the other 364 days a year that make all the difference. You and your husband sound like you have an awesome marriage.
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With lots of work, we do pretty well. 🙂
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What a sweet post! Hope you had a Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂
– Lor // acozyspace.wordpress.com
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Thanks, Lor! 🙂
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What a lovely treat to find this here today! Thank you for the nomination! 🙂
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We don’t do Valentine’s day either. It’s all about the little things for me. Walking on the outside – always. Opening doors. Taking the night shift at the hospital when our daughter has been in overnight. Remembering to buy me chocolate when I have pmt.
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A well-timed chocolate bar is a sure sign of love! 🙂
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You are not alone. It’s all about the little things for me. Opening doors– always. Taking the trash and recycle to the curb. Installing LED lights in the motion detectors. Bringing in the paper from the drive and bringing home the occasional pastry because he remembered I had a 12 hour day. These things mean
so much more than a silly one day holiday.
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Absolutely! I couldn’t have said it better! 🙂
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Great post Karen. No we don’t celebrate Valentines day. I usually get my wife a book, as she is an avid reader, but that’s about it. Do the same other times of the year as well, but the commercialism makes me feel I need to do something on the day…lol. Hope you are well. 🙂
~Carl~
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Hi Carl! I can honestly say that I never received a book that ended up being a bad present- always a good call! Things are good here, but my blogging has unfortunately been sporadic of late. I hope you are doing well, too! Best, Karen
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